UFO Lineup of Shame

I feel I should open this post with a warning. This post is not for the faint of heart.  Today we tell a gruesome and gritty tale of a rough neighborhood in my living room called the "naughty basket". Here live some of my most rough and disgusting UFO's (unfinished objects). My husband tried to soften the blow by asking if didn't I instead want to call these WIP's (works in progress). I had to avert my eyes and softly tell him, "No, that would imply progress. These are in an indefinite timeout."

Before scrolling to the next picture I ask that you shield the eyes of young children. I present to you, the naughty basket.

The naughty basket.

The world isn't always a pretty place. In this basket are those projects which have disgusted me. There are a variety of reasons for this. Here is the lineup for this unsavory section of my world.

Offender A                               Offender B                                            Offender C                                   Offender D

Our first lineup includes more disdemeanor offenses. No serious crimes for this bunch.

Offender A: Endpaper Mitts These were started to keep me awake during long overnights volunteering at the homeless shelter. Their offenses are really pretty light. These include: 1) a cast-on that made me want to stab myself in the eyes in frustration, 2) colorway of the yarn blending with the red halfway up the mitt and 3) operator error trying to figure out how the hell to work the thumb without breaking up the pattern being worked.

Offender B: Spiral Hat This poor little beanie in beautiful yarn was more a victim of it's circumstances. I got distracted.

Offender C: Thermis Cowl (in green) I fell head over heels in love with this pattern when I first found it. It was great to work on during conference calls with the easy to remember waffle stitch. Then I got to the button panel and started to get a bit nervous the heavier yarn seriously messed up my gauge and it would be WAY TOO BIG. Banishment wasn't far behind.

Offender D: Thermis Cowl (in black) I told you I loved the pattern. I started a smaller size as a gift for my cousin for Christmas, then the timeline was crunching me and so I opted for a cute purse.

Offender E                                                                     Offender F                                                     Offender G

This second tier of the lineup are still pretty mild. Again, mostly low priority projects.

Offender E: Banana Republic Knockoff Hat This mostly just entertained me for a night, then the weather got a bit warmer and the priority level dropped.

Offender F: Multnomah Shawl M.o.n.o.t.o.n.o.u.s And the dirty sherbet shawl took priority. Even though I really want this shawl for it's ability to match half of my wardrobe this spring and frequently find myself wishing it were done, I still make no moves to pick it back up. Solid colored sock yarn in row after row of garter. 'Nuf said?

Offender G: Wabi Sabi Shawl I loved this pattern so much I immediately spent $100 to get a bag of the yarn that was being discontinued. And that was two years ago. Someday I swear to you blogland, someday.

Offender H                               Offender I                                           Offender J                                       Offender K

These are the serious offenders. The ones that make me scowl and curse. These are your rough crowd. The ones that could very well convice the other UFOs to revolt aganist me out of pure spite.

Offender H: Lace Fingerless Mitts I know hate is a strong word, but I hate this project. Really. My (now ex) boss had asked for a pair of fingerless mitts for her birthday coughayearagocough and I let her pick the pattern and the color. Oh, and by the way she is allergic to wool. Enter this way too pink for my tastes acrylic yarn. Ugh (100000) I really hate this project. Really. And once I get the one done, oh wait, there is another.

Offender I: Mary Jane Slippers These started off as a nice relaxing project while I spent a week camping with my family last summer. They were until I got to the point where I was doing the i-cord edging. Then the damn things showed their ugly colors. And I'm not talking about the yarn. Apparently I did a fairly crappy job of casting off or used the wrong cast-off. I think a stretchy cast-off would have done the job. Too tight, no stretch. Oh, and the yarn split while I was trying to uncast-off. Fabulous.

Offender J: Entrelac Scarf This is an object of disgust for me. It said it would need three balls of Noro Kureyon. I had four I had stupidly bought on impulse for a felted bag I had no intention of making so no problemo. I've been working on it FOREVER. And now it wants to eat my last ball I had other plans for. And I really don't think I have a whole 'nother balls worth of knitting this in me. However, it is far too far along for me to jusify frogging at this point. Grr.

Offender K: Dollar and a Half Cardigan This sweater is my prime offender. It has been haunting my UFO basket for a minimum of three years now. I fear it's a lifer. Yes, that is two separate cast-ons for the project you see in that pic.  I fell in love with this a few months in as a newbie knitter. I bought a sweater's worth of yarn oblivious to a dirty little word called "gauge". And now, despite my determination to use this tweed worsted weight yarn I CANNOT GET GAUGE. Any gauge whizs out there? If you have any love or compassion please let me know.

The good news? Calling up the line up to show their scandalous faces led to some organization in the "naughty basket". For now...

All is calm in the 'hood.