Transitions

There are times I have felt bad for having lots of STUFF. It has made me feel a bit too material of a person. I have accepted that poverty is not a spiritual gifting of mine. And my materialness is a part of my personality in that I tend to be a fairly symbolic person. My in-laws are antique dealers and a result of this is that my husband always insisted on accumulating lots of, well let's be honest, lots of junk. I don't want lots of junk, but I do think some things some things have a meaning that lives on for me. For instance, the other day by grandma gave me this beautiful antique egg for Easter. For me the beauty in it is thinking about what it has meant to people in my family over the generations. How many Easter tables has this sat on? In all honesty, I don't know the great aunt who owned it, but she is a part of my heritage and now I have this tie to this part of my family. Something from their life lives on in my home. I don't just collect random junk, it has to be a part of my story.

A part of my family's story, even if the pic won't go rightside up. :)

I know this is part of the reason why I am a crafter. Yes, crafting helps me to make sense of my world, it helps me to feel competent in a world that seems to spin away from me and stop making sense right when I think I get it, but there is more in my quilting. Quilting has always been a way I have worked to capture a moment in time. Through quilting I am able to create a transition in my life bridging the now and the space I am heading. As I am working through accepting change you can see when I am really working to internalize the change when I start on a quilt for the occassion. Not all of my quilts represent a transition, but all of the transitions that were important to me have a quilt.  It is a way for me to start to imagine myself in a new space. I can feel the space I am moving into out while still in a space I am comfortable. At times in my life this space was a physical space. When my husband and I decided we would buy our first house and we found the perfect house I started a quilt. This is how he knew I really was on board for the move. The master bedroom was done with maroon carpet and curtains so I went out and bought fabric in maroon, bright yellow, and a pink batik. However, things got crazy and I never got around to making this quilt.

After months of struggling I finally got to my wits end and decided I needed to leave. I started making a quilt . This quilt wasn't only for the new physical space of the apartment I would be moving to, but I was working through accepting the new space I would be occupying apart from my husband. But this quilt never got finished either.

After a year of being separated I started to accept that life was going to be changing even more soon. So once again, I started a quilt. This quilt I made in colors and fabric that my husband would never want to decorate a room with. They were fun and funky and they were for a space I would occupy as a single. After the papers were filed and "the day" loomed in my future I finished the quilt. As I was working on it the quilt represented a new life. My friends and I teased about quilting in phrases that would hidden. These were not phrases to be shared in pleasant company. :)

The finished single quilt.

 Now I am thinking of another transition. The work is hard, but I'm working on accepting it. So last night I got out my trusty chart notebook, a pencil, and crayons (I prefer using crayons when laying out a quilt because I can still see the grid lines through the crayon). And I drew for hours. Working and re-working the dimensions to see how I could make things work out. Much like I am doing in my life. I hope to show you pictures of this quilt sometime in the future. And I hope in the pictures I am in a space that brings me peace.

Working and re-working the dimensions.

The big picture.

And no matter what happens in the end I have a physical something that lives on as a part of a time in my life. A part of my story. And maybe someday I will be able to pass it on and let it live on through someone else. This little part of me. And I like that.