Psst...

I have a surprise for you.

But I was accused of being a tease a few times in a former life. So this is all you get...for now.

The Blueberry Muffin Quest

I am sitting here feeling a little spacey this Saturday afternoon. Maybe because I just woke up from a nap. I have every good intention of hauling my sewing machine down to the kitchen where it's cooler once I finish this blog entry and maybe get a few dishes done (I have looking at a dirty kitchen) and get some quilting done. Really. I've gotten a little sucked into touring project pages on Ravelry. Am I the only one who looks at other's finished pages and wishes I could be those people? I'm pretty sure my pages don't cause this wistfulness. I have to remind myself that even though their knits are beautiful and they finish things like sweaters and lace shawls they probably don't want to get off the couch somedays and fight with their husbands and have dirty bathrooms just like me.

So, on with my post. I've been meaning to share some pics of the blueberry muffins I made yesterday morning. I am very weird about having my Saturday mornings just so. I need to not wake up to an alarm and I need to have some coffee and I need to be able to sit in the chair and knit until lunch time. At least once a week. It calms my introvert spirit. But I haven't gotten to do it for a few weeks and it looks like I won't be able to for a few weeks. I had to work this morning. Staring at Excel spreadsheets trying to figure out where in the hell $49.76 went and why the damn spreadsheets won't equal each other and having just a few days left until the fiscal year is over and I need to figure it out while juggling hosting multiple trainings and end of year paperwork and the usual meetings and life stress does not calm this introvert spirit. Nor do the jets flying overhead for the Annual Quad Cities Air Show. So I took yesterday morning off and baked muffins. While it wasn't sitting in a chair knitting, the process did calm me a bit.

I have been on a search for the perfect blueberry muffin for some time now. Our local chain of grocery stores makes a perfect blueberry muffin in their bakery. If you are anything like my husband you are probably think "Why don't you just buy blueberry muffins from the store, April?". But since you are reading this blog maybe you feel my pain of wanting to replicate store bought perfection.

So I was venturing in the store actually going for coffee the other morning and saw the said perfect muffins. I was reminded of my quest to make them. Then there I was in the produce section and these little blue beauties were speaking to me that maybe they could play a role in my conquering of the blueberry muffin.

I had very high hopes for the blueberry muffin recipe in The Grand Central Baking Book. You may have caught on by now to the fact I have a bit of a "thing" for this book. But, I mean, it's brought me happiness in the form of Strawberry Rhubarb Pie with an amazing butter crust and Oatmeal Raisin Cookies made even more blissful with dried cranberries and golden raisins. So why not believe that this book may be the Holy Grail of baked goods and lead me to blissful fullfillment in the form of THE blueberry muffins??? As Piper Davis went on about the buttermilk and the need to mix this recipe by hand to maintain a delicate cakelike texture I felt a flutter of excitement that I may have just found my blueberry muffin destiny (yes, I realize I may have attachement issues to baked goods. Ripe for analysis, yes, yes.). But they weren't it. I know, it is like a tragic story of possible love and destiny only to be dashed. Don't get me wrong, they weren't bad. Just not THE MUFFINS.

I have action shots none the less.

Social Climber

Urban Dictionary defines a "social climber" as follows:

social climber (n.) Similar to an "attention whore", but a social climber is anyone that becomes friends with someone else if they have something that they want, which we all know involves people. They become 'friends' with people who "know people". In turn, they become (or attempt to become) 'friends' with that first person's more "popular" friends, leaving the first person behind. Repeats this cycle to "get to the top", in their own mind, until they realize they are shallow and unable to like people for who they really are. Inevitably, they will be forced to "mature" beyond this. This usually pertains to girls more so than guys.

Mad Liza Knits defines it as this rocking cowl.

My neck has been having some hand knit withdrawal with the sweltering heat and withering humidity of an Iowa summer bearing down in full force. I dug out my skein of Plymouth Kudo to make a summer friendly cowl. This fun, bright, striped yarn is 55% cotton, 40% rayon, and 5% silk.  

I started on this project a little over a week ago. I needed a break from my self-induced sock yarn hell of unfinished shawls and the sweater I must have been on some kind of binge on when I started a project to "take a break". (Seriously, what the hell? I don't even knit sweaters in recognition of my need for instant gratification!!) The pattern calls for Noro Silk Garden, but I'm glad I went with this yarn. I used the colorway 47 and I really like the colors and the striping. I'm not usually a cotton fan, but I really like this for this time of year.

The pattern has you doing 18 two row repeats for the large size. I went way above and beyond with 31 repeats. This was really drapey, I probably could have used a US9 rather then US10's. It was nice to use the whole skein, though, and I'm pleased with the results. And the fact I finished a project!

Back to the sock yarn trenches.

Ravelry Project Page

Chaordic Sweet Spots

I want to tell you my absolute new favorite word. Chaordic. What the hell is that? Chaordic is the sweet spot were the worlds of chaos & order meet. In the world of community organizing this refers to the tension between allowing for the beautiful chaos of allowing the unexpected to happen when you draw community together. You are totally at the will of the group. It's this utterly amazing time & space where anything is possible, energy is high, and the sky is truly the limit. But, as humans, we crave a sense of order. In my world this is a land of agendas, Robert's Rules of Order, boringness, and a place where truth be known creativity and what could be possible gets squashed by rules, "norms", only doing what is comfortable and known, and a lack of risk. So the challenge of the facilitator in a community organizing setting is to find that "chaordic sweet spot". It's that spot where you are open to dreaming. You roll with the energy of the community coming together, but you allow for a sense of order. There is a direction and information is harvested for further understanding.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the chaordic sweet spot of my own life. I spent a long time living what I thought was the beginning of the "American Dream". (What the hell does that even mean?) I really though I had it all planned out. I was truly believing that my life was figured out and "The Plan" was on and living by "The Plan" was all there was to it. But then life gave me a massive bitch slap into next Wednesday. I learned the hard way there was no such thing as "The Plan". At least not in a way I could control it. I very much believe God has a plan for my life. "'I know the plans I have you for you', declares the Lord, 'Plans to give you hope and a future. Not plans to harm you'." Silly, April. I thought I had that plan figured out. After the aforementioned life bitch slap I was sent spinning to the other end of the tangent. No plans. Wake up. Use up almost all my energy reserves to get out of bed. Survive this minute. Now the next 5. Good, girl. No, don't crawl under the desk and cry. You have a conference call. Okay, you can stare out the window. Now go home. Stare at the wall. Opps, now we are going to go through a do whatever the hell I want phase. But let's not think about tomorrow.

But I've learned to truly believe that God lives in the chaordic zone. So, how do I live my life in a way where I embrace the chaos of the amazing opportunities He opens for me, but I balance that with a life that at least plans a bit and has some direction? The gypsy lifestyle is tempting, but the reality is I love my husband and as a part of our reconciliation attempts I've worked to listen to him and value his need for some stability. He is a "Plan" person. But, man, that chaordic sweet spot is one I want to ride. It fills me with such a sense of anticipation to really ask God

"What are you going to do with me if I can just find a way to be open to the opportunities you present to me as I grow further into the plan YOU have set for me?"

"How do I not let my order override Your chaos?"

"How do I know the path to take in reconciling your community?"

"What do you want from me in my walk and how do I serve YOU?"

"How do I balance all of this?"

I wish you all luck in embracing the chaos He has for you and finding the balance with the order that keeps us grounded.

If Strawberries Overtook the World...

So everyone walks through the grocery store and has absolutely no self control when they see 4 lbs of strawberries on sale for $5, right? I'm normal??? Well, normal or not, I had a massive amount of strawberries to reckon with this weekend. All in all, it was an okay problem. I was okay with having that being the issue of the weekend. Especially beings the issue of the work week includes is the state going to renew my grant contract and will I have a job in 10 days. Strawberries it is!

So, what did I do with a massive amount of strawberries. Woo-ee. Let me tell you.

First, there was Spinach & Strawberry Salad. My mouth is watering at the realization I still have enough spinach and strawberries left to have some of this with supper.

Then, I was pleasently surprised to learn my parents were going to be in the Quad Cities for Father's Day, so I got to see my Daddy-O! I made some Strawberry Rhubarb Pie using the pie crust and filling recipe from The Grand Central Baking Book. My heart sank as my Dad was eating his pie yesterday and mentioned he doesn't like rhubarb. But then he followed with until now. He even called back later that night to rave about the pie. My Daddy rocks.

Yesterday I sat contemplating what to do with the last couple of pounds. I went looking for a recipe for this Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream I made last year. I could not find and still can't find it doing an internet search. It's probably for the better. Ice cream with ribbons of cream cheese probably should not be a part of my diet. I DID find a recipe for Frozen Strawberry Yogurt. Perfect. And I mean that. It's pretty amazing. Check it.

And, just to taunt you. Speaking of strawberries, did I ever share about these amazing chocolate and cheesecake covered strawberries I made for my cousin's wedding shower about a month ago? Just in case not.

So, in the event of a strawberry apocolypse, no worries. I got it covered. I will save us all. Pinky swear.

Gooey Crispiness

So, this week's Bake-along is...no bake! (I know, something is wrong with that sentence.)

I wanted to live a little more on the wild side than regular 'ole Rice Krispie Treats, so I decided to give Smitten Kitchen's Salted Brown Butter Crispy Treats a try.

First off. Brown the butter. I sat there going "Is it brown yet?" "How about now?" "Is that brown?" "Does the butter smell nutty?" "What the hell does 'nutty' butter smell like anyway???"

I think based off the brownish hue of my marshmellows after I added them I got there. I think.

These are most definitely the gooiest treats I have ever made.

But holy rice crispy amazingness, Batman. The sea salt rocks these treats. And luckily, it's hard to eat more than one in a sitting with the gooey of it all. I usually have a severe disappearing issue on my hands when Rice Crispy treats are around.

Now, the end of the recipe says let cool and prepare to meet new friends. Hmm, you want to be my friend? I have crispy treats! (And yarn.) All in all. One out of one Aprils recommend this recipe!

Thank You

Since starting this blog I have went back and forth on if I would write about things going on in my private life, most specifically my separation from my husband and the ripples I continue to feel of that monumental tossing of a rock into the pool of my life that led to the crumbling of my marriage and a journey I never imagined I would be on. I wasn't really sure what the protocol was. I used to frequently post in a group on Ravelry and this really helped me to sort through a lot of things. Every so often I have received messages from the ladies in the group checking in on me and sharing with me how they had been walking on my journey with me. I have some random outbursts of personal information on here and tend to feel a bit guilty about it. But then I remember that if you don't like what I post you can close the window and come back later for some rambling about crafting and baking.

So thank you to those who check in over here to see how my journey is going."How am I doing?" some of you have asked. Well, I am working to sort through the pain of it all still. It has been two years and it still surprises me how something on TV, a song on the radio, or an offhanded comment can zap me back to the pain I feel and the sting of the betrayal. I still have days that I look around and try to figure out whose life I'm leading. I still have bursts of anger that someone else's decisions could forever alter my life and change who I am and how I see the world around me. I continue to walk a path where I discover a little more of myself every day.

My husband and I continue to try to put the pieces back together. I gave a workshop at a youth conference a few years ago. In it I gave the teens a puzzle, but didn't give them the picture to go off. This is what my life feels like these days. Most days it seems like we were given two different puzzles as we both deal with the scars and just the directions our lives have taken as we've done life separately rather than together. In the workshop as the teens began to piece together the puzzle they started with the edge pieces and we discussed how often in life we just need a place to start. We need to have something to guide us as we put the bigger picture together. Every once in awhile there is that moment in our reconciliation attempts when we find just enough of the border pieces that we can start to discern what a life together again would be like and it gives us the strength and encouragement to continue to work to see if we can match a few more pieces.

Thank you for your kind messages and for continuing to think about and pray for me. It never ceases to surprise me when those messages come. You have no idea how much it means to me that I have never stood face to face with so many of you, but our lives have been woven together as we've cried together, raged together, and tried to find ourselves in the aftermath of it all. I can never express how much it means to know I have you walking alongside of me.

Put Your Hands in the Air. Now Wave 'Em Like You Just Don't Care.

Guess who just got back from a work trip? (Imagine a hand in the air in Iowa.)

Guess who is tired? (Same hand goes up.)

Guess who made a stop on the way home to get some pretty yarn, took pretty pics of it that would make you covet said yarn, and then realized they forgot the camera cord in the desk at work so this will have to be a pic-less post? (Yep, you guessed it. That hand in Iowa just went up again.)

Guess who has to travel to the homeland tomorrow to endure a class reunion with people they didn't particuarly like and will be hiding on the couch tonight with some of the aformentioned yarn, beer, and chick flicks while they anticipate being made to feel inadequate by people who have no grounds to make her feel inadequate? (Are we sensing a trend of that hand getting tired in the air in Iowa? Should Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion totally be on tonight's movie list? Would saying I invented post-its sound better than saying I'm a community systems builder who may not have a contract from the state in a few weeks?)

AND.....

Guess who's keyboard got replaced and she now has bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb's and nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn's again?!!???!?! (ME!!!!!!!!!!!!)

And guess who should post more, but instead is going to go make an enchilada, dig out her copy of  the Social Climber Cowl pattern, pop the top off the beer, and get her knit on starting now?

Happy weekend!

Weekend in Review

All in all I had a pretty domestic weekend. How was yours?


Saturday I am proud to say that I finally finished an apron for ME!! Yes, ME!! This was the fourth I have made in the last couple of months. The one I was wearing was pretty sad. It was to that point where no matter how many times I washed it was still crusty from the flour and what not. It led a good life. It has retired to a nice resort in Florida with a view.

I’ve really been digging the yellow and gray combo for awhile. I bought this flowered fabric a couple of years ago, but it seemed a little old lady for everything. But not this apron. The pattern for this is from McCall’s M3979 American Hostess Vintage Aprons. I had to do some changes once it was all said and done. The top and was WAY too high and stuck out in a funky way. And to be honest I’m not crazy about the pocket bulging like that. It looks like it’s just begging to catch flour and other little bits for a disgusting result.

But it’s kind of growing on me. It got a test run yesterday with this Asiago-Laced Rosemary Bread. I did some double duty for the bake-along. Last week’s theme was bread. I have had this recipe that I tore out of some random magazine at work kicking around for awhile and I happened to have some asiago cheese I didn’t mind getting out of the freezer. In all honesty, I haven’t tried it yet. I was (finally) getting my butt in gear yesterday and putting away the laundry that still had laundry from LAST summer to sort through. (I am not kidding. Nothing like putting away 10 months of laundry to make me swear off shopping for some time!) My apartment was toasty while I was baking this bread and the smell of asiago kind of overpowered the place, so I wasn’t wanting any warm bread with those two factors at play. My husband did have a piece this morning, however, and gave it his stamp of approval. And he doesn’t use that stamp very liberally! I intend to bust into this bad boy tonight!

I also got a head start on this week’s bake-along. We are making homemade pizza dough, which I have not done before. I don’t think I’ll willingly go back to frozen pizza or even store-bought crust! My little Italian friend gave me her recipe. It was great. I also made some pizza sauce from scratch. Recipe below. It does have a bit of kick, though! And I actually got two pizzas worth out of the recipe!

Happy Monday!

Exquisite Pizza Sauce from Allrecipes.com

Ingredients

• 1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
• 6 fluid ounces warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
• 3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 2 tablespoons honey
• 3/4 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/4 teaspoon dried marjoram
• 1/4 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
• salt to taste

Directions

1. In a small bowl, combine tomato paste, water, Parmesan cheese, garlic, honey, anchovy paste, onion powder, oregano, marjoram, basil, ground black pepper, cayenne pepper, red pepper flakes and salt; mix together, breaking up any clumps of cheese.

2. Sauce should sit for 30 minutes to blend flavors; spread over pizza dough and prepare pizza as desired.

Embrace the Introvertism

Me=neglecting blogger. I know. There is no great excuse. I will admit, the hindrance of typing sans n or b keys is a little of it. (I'm anxiously awaiting the call my new keyboard is in!)  And I had to face the fact that taking a vacation day really just bites you I the ass I the log run when you work in a one person office. And I’m still trying to figure out where in the hell I put the map to my happy place. Anyone ever hear the song “If You’re Going Through Hell Keep On Going”? Me, I tend to languish in the heat and bitch that my hair is getting frizzy from the humidity.


I made the mistake of venturing out to a Young Professionals Network event last night. Silly April. I tend to try to lie to myself that I’m really not as much of an introvert as I know I truly am. Then (of course), a guy I had been seeing and have a very awkward relationship with due to the coals I raked him over was there, so I got to observe him I action with the ladies. It was utterly fantastic. Kudos to the new friend who humored my attempt to reach out and dealt with my denial. But I’m taking baby steps to get myself out of the house. For now it’s time for me to just retreat back to the meeting rooms, kitchen, and sewing room where I find myself much more comfortable.

SPEAKING OF SEWING…one more apron got finished!

My little cousin is getting married in a month. It will be a gorgeous handmade wedding and she is stinking adorable. I have some mixed feelings. I’m psyched for her, but it will be my first close family wedding since my husband and I separated. My family doesn’t seem to get why I don’t want to put my ringless hand in the pic that is being done with all of the women in my family who have been married in my great-grandma’s headpiece. Umm….yeah. Divorce is a bit of a foreign concept for my family.


I have a firm belief that new brides need an apron made just for them. So, I present to you my cousin’s!

Mom working her apron modeling gig.

Some potholders with the scraps.

I included a little bridal kit. I got this amazing one when I got married. But this one has some little basics like thread, Velcro, libt remover. I always seem to be that person at weddings running around frantically mending bridesmaids dresses and sewing buttons back on tuxs. I come packing!

So I will try to better about posting. For real. Now I get to go work on a grant. Here’s hoping it doesn’t include many n’s or b’s!