The Shawl That (Almost) Never Ended

This is the shawl that almost never ended
It seemed to go on and on my friends
This knitter started knitting it, not knowing what it was
And it seemed she would continue knitting it forever just because...

Once upon a time there was a knitter who was sitting there one day and had a bright idea to use up some yarn a friend has pawned off on her. It seemed to be a fun little mindless project.

Until it suddenly became very clear the rows and rows of garter stitch may be what would finally make her lose her mind. But still she kept going.

And going. And going. And going.

Until one day. She got to the end!

This pattern is the 22.5 Degree shawlette by Martina Behm. (Rav Link) I alternated between a skein of Cascade Yarn Heritage Paints in the 9881 colorway, a green/yellow/orange varigated sock yarn, and Knit Picks Palette in the Heather Gray colorway. Both are fingering weight.

The pattern has a scroll border, but I didn't like the look of it with these colors and was driving myself closer to the edge trying to do it in both of the colors. I ended up doing a picot edge. (BO 2, *slip one st to left needle, cable CO 2 sts, bind off 5 sts*). I do like this shawl. Even if it was almost the end of me and took about seven months to finish since it was frequently exiled to the naughty corner.

Ravelry Project Page

On a Personal Note

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this publically. Okay, I knew I didn't want to. However, one of the values I have really embraced over the last couple of years is that as people we are seldom truly transparent and I want to try to live my life embracing my humanity and the brokenness that comes with that. I don't know if you've ever heard the song Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns, but I've gotten to a point in my life that I feel acting like one of the "happy plastic people under shiny plastic steeples" really hurts more than it serves to glorify God. As Christians we hurt and we struggle and it's okay. So on that note, I'm reposting an entry I put on Ravelry in a divorce group I used to be a part of this morning because I want to be true to being real. I am more than yarn, fabric, and baked goods. And appropriate or not, this entry is for me and honoring that. I did take out some of the details of what happened in my marriage, as I don't feel those are appropriate for a public blog.

Back in March, as I was awaiting notification the divorce was final, I found out the judge was throwing us back and making us wait out a 90 day period I was told by my lawyer I would have no trouble getting around since we had been separated for a year and half. As those of you who know me may remember, I have always struggled with my divorce, my faith, and discerning God’s will, as well as having trouble finding God in all of it. Both my husband and I had been making progress as individuals, so we decided to give it a try to see if we could work through some of the pain of what happened. We didn't know if this was a sign.



But now, two and half years after things went so horribly wrong, I resubmitted the final set of papers to the court this week. No crisis caused me to react, I just got tired of pretending the pain wasn’t still there. I worked so hard to get through so much and out of those ashes a different person rose. The disintegration of our marriage and the insanity that followed broke me into a million pieces. It took me a lot to sort through those pieces and as I worked to put them all back together they didn’t all end up right where they were before I broke. So, I’m still all there, it just looks a bit different and has a few more jagged edges.


Two and a half years. Wow. I don’t even know who that girl was. I can look back and see this young wife planning a family and filled with anticipation as she planned with the husband she adored to move into their first house. Their whole lives were before them and the idea they may not be in it together was just blasphemy. I can’t even wrap my mind around what it feels like to be her. But I’m feeling what it is to be me. Broken, but learning God’s grace. Unsure, but looking forward. Scared, but determined.

The irony of it all is that through the hell of the last two years, in the end  it changed me into a much more peaceful person. I look at life from a different place now and I’m willing to just let what happens happen. (Ok, sometimes the old control freak in my comes out, but there is more balance.) I was always the planner in our relationship. But after things went so terribly wrong I came to an acceptance that plans can only take you so far. My rocky last couple of years has really taught me that we don’t have all of the answers and the true beauty of life reveals itself when we’re not looking for it. Sometimes it surprises us and sometimes we see the beauty when we look at the ugly head on.

Many don’t understand the unique struggle of Christians going through divorce, both inside and outside the church. I’ve always felt a bit alone and misunderstood wherever I was. And I was lucky enough to have a church family who totally supported me, which I know many don’t have. I still struggle with if this is God’s will, I just have come to terms with grace and forgiveness enough to know that even if it isn’t, He will love me, provide for me, and set me on a new path anyway.



A little of me is hoping no one read this far. If you're thinking to yourself, "Why would anyone put all of that out there in public?", this wasn't about you. It was about me and my committment to being real.

In the words of Casting Crowns:

Would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
You imagined me to be?

Or would your arms be open?
Or would you walk away?
Or would the love of Jesus
be enough to make you stay?


Yarn, fabric, and baking will be back soon.

Another Transition

Hello, there. Yes, I know it's been awhile. And, yes, I do realize it seems to take longer and longer before I post these days. It's been a rough few weeks and I've had to come to terms with some things, accept some things, and let something that was once the most stable thing I knew go. Forever is a tough thing to say goodbye too. So now I'm coping as I always cope.

I'm making a quilt.

So please just be patient with me as I'm muddling through. I'm confident there will be better days ahead. Until then, I shall sew.

Summer Flies Shawl

I have finally finished another shawl! Yay! I love the idea and look of shawls. Unfortunately, most I'm attracted to seem to made with fingering weight yarn. So, while I have many started and many big plans, I now have a total of...2. I fell in love with the Summer Flies Shawl by Holly & Ella Knits (made with worsted weight!) and I must say, this is a fabulous pattern. Especially in a summer friendly (worsted weight!) bamboo and silk yarn.

This shawl is so nice and light and I love the open lace of it. It has great muliple patterns that keep it interesting for knitting. Which easily distracted knitters like me need to make it to that coveted and sometimes scarce FO (finished object) status.

Ever noticed how nearly impossible it is to get a picture of wearing your shawl more "traditionally" when you live alone and have no fancy camera?

And so great around the neck! I want like 10 of these! Kudos Holly & Ella Knits! I did do some light modification in the way of adding four extra rows in the open lace work and two extra rows before starting the ruffle. For no other reason than I wanted to use as much of my yarn as I felt safe gambling on without running out while binding off. I wasn't totally sure about the ruffle on this. I actually considered doing without, but decided a little frill never hurt anyone. No regrets, I really like it.

And the yarn? Ella Rae Bamboo Silk. Which I went and ordered four more skeins of in wine. Just enough to make another Summer Flies Shawl!!

Fail

If you are looking for perfection, you are are most definitely at the wrong blog! I pretty much mean that in an all encompassing way, but today specificially.

So, my mom was visiting this weekend. I intended to wow her in that way I don't think we ever really grow out of wanting to impress our parents by making her a batch of homemade blueberry turnovers. I was even going to take on puff pastry from scratch.

And my AC went out. Oh, did I mention the heat advisories we had last week? Yeah. According to my landlord the AC I pay to have in my apartment is a luxury. AC is not a luxury when baking in a hot humid apartment. No, sir.

Things were actually seeming to go ok. The night before I chilled my dry ingredients for two hours like a good baker. Then I made sure to make the dough up to give it a chance to sit in it's saran wrap overnight. When I woke up Saturday morning it didn't seem like the temps were too bad in the apartment yet. So I got out my dough, followed the instructions and rolled it out, formed it and folded it, rewrapped and refigerated for 15 minutes. Three times. And things seemed positive for this hour long process. Then on the last roll within seconds things went bad. Very very bad. My dough with the nice horizontal layers and clear definition of butter that was present, but not one with the dry ingredients was looking good. Then within a matter of seconds I had a gooey mess on my hands. I panicked and put it back in the fridge. Got it out and rolled it between two layers of parchment paper to avoid contact with the dough. I was cursing as I filled them with the fresh blueberry filling. And then it happened.

As I opened the door to put the turnovers into the oven the pan literally flipped over, sending the turnovers flying onto the hot oven door with the pan landing on top. My mom's mouth dropped open. I sat on the floor, oven door open and turnovers melting, and cried. Not like little tears. Body shaking sobs. Total April meltdown.

Mom hurried over telling me it would be okay as she scraped the turnovers off the door, put them back on the pan, and set them in the oven to bake.

They weren't okay. Since the essential (in my understanding of it) of nice flaky pastry dough is the cold butter being suddenly exposed to the hot temperatures of the oven and essentially exploding, making nice flaky layers, the fact my butter first was a victim of high temperatures and ugly humidity levels and THEN landed upside down on a hot oven door pretty much made failure inevitable. It was gross. It was failure in the true sense of the word.

However, even with  a 95 degree (not exaggerating) kitchen and unknown levels of humidity, life may have given us tomatoes.

But we made salsa.

What's that salty taste you ask? Sweat and tears.

A Ball

Being in my late 20's there seems to be absolutely NO shortage of friends either a) having babies or b) celebrating babies. I have another first birthday party coming up soon. But this one is FOR A GIRL. (It seems my friends seem to end up with male offspring. God help us all!) While I didn't go all out on something insanely girly, I did get to use some more girly fabrics. And this is one girly girl. True, this ball is a little more "folky", but I like it.

The ball? For Kicks Patchwork Ball from Anna Marie Horner's Seams to Me: 24 New Reasons to Love Sewing.

While there were quite a few little patches to cut (32 if I remember correctly) the fact this is machine stitched helps with the sanity level.

And, um, these? These were "extra". God, I pray they are extra. I was tired and ready for bed and no longer had the patience to count hexagons and pentagons, and and, it made the shape of a ball.

Well, pretty much. There were a few "off" spots. But let's pretend.

Happy first birthday, Euladora!

A Quick Hello

Hello! I'm still alive here. I promise I haven't melted. Melted people can't almost be done with shawls, right? I mean, how would they hold their needles? Tension would be a mess and I'm sure it's hard to get melted people goo out of bamboo & silk blends.

I wish I could say something incredibly important and exciting has kept me away. But more the direct opposite. I've been firmly gripped in the claws of blah. Nothing exciting. Most exciting thing to happen to me this week was I got my sewing room REALLY organized. Like so much so I'm afraid to step into it.Literally bursting the doors off your fabric closet can make you sit down and take a good hard look at yourself. I made some muffins. Got a new shell for my phone that has changed my life in a geeky way. Haven't thrown the testament to love sock at the wall yet. Inpatiently waiting for a call my free motion foot has come in. Nothing to write home about. I've also had a weird aversion to my computer. Which isn't good since I should be working on a report.

But it's Friday.
And we are having a quilting night tomorrow.
And I'm bringing salted browned butter rice krispy treats to quilting night.
And I just got an extra five vacation days added to my contract.
And it's Friday.

That all has to count for something, right?

Here's to something to write about happening sometime soon!

Happy Friday,

April