Thank You

Since starting this blog I have went back and forth on if I would write about things going on in my private life, most specifically my separation from my husband and the ripples I continue to feel of that monumental tossing of a rock into the pool of my life that led to the crumbling of my marriage and a journey I never imagined I would be on. I wasn't really sure what the protocol was. I used to frequently post in a group on Ravelry and this really helped me to sort through a lot of things. Every so often I have received messages from the ladies in the group checking in on me and sharing with me how they had been walking on my journey with me. I have some random outbursts of personal information on here and tend to feel a bit guilty about it. But then I remember that if you don't like what I post you can close the window and come back later for some rambling about crafting and baking.

So thank you to those who check in over here to see how my journey is going."How am I doing?" some of you have asked. Well, I am working to sort through the pain of it all still. It has been two years and it still surprises me how something on TV, a song on the radio, or an offhanded comment can zap me back to the pain I feel and the sting of the betrayal. I still have days that I look around and try to figure out whose life I'm leading. I still have bursts of anger that someone else's decisions could forever alter my life and change who I am and how I see the world around me. I continue to walk a path where I discover a little more of myself every day.

My husband and I continue to try to put the pieces back together. I gave a workshop at a youth conference a few years ago. In it I gave the teens a puzzle, but didn't give them the picture to go off. This is what my life feels like these days. Most days it seems like we were given two different puzzles as we both deal with the scars and just the directions our lives have taken as we've done life separately rather than together. In the workshop as the teens began to piece together the puzzle they started with the edge pieces and we discussed how often in life we just need a place to start. We need to have something to guide us as we put the bigger picture together. Every once in awhile there is that moment in our reconciliation attempts when we find just enough of the border pieces that we can start to discern what a life together again would be like and it gives us the strength and encouragement to continue to work to see if we can match a few more pieces.

Thank you for your kind messages and for continuing to think about and pray for me. It never ceases to surprise me when those messages come. You have no idea how much it means to me that I have never stood face to face with so many of you, but our lives have been woven together as we've cried together, raged together, and tried to find ourselves in the aftermath of it all. I can never express how much it means to know I have you walking alongside of me.