Crafting has slowed down these days. As has baking. But it's hard to spend the time on those things I did when I was spending my time pretty much revolving around my schedule and not letting anyone else impose. Much to my surprise, I've found myself dipping my toes in roles I never really saw myself in. Back in January I did the whole online dating thing (that was a bit of a dive in the deep-end for me). As I've mentioned, I did it out of boredom. But I found something I never thought I'd let myself find ever again. Someone I not only love, but trust enough to let love me. It's a weird mix of scary and scared I'm not more scared for me. One of those everything I never knew I was looking for things. And being in an adult relationship is very new for me. But I'm doing it. I'm also learning things like getting kids out of bed, timing traffic to get to practice on time, and all of the lines to Spongebob. It's a different kind of life for me. But the irony is even though there are more people I still get to be a person in it all.
"The Plan" has been teasing at my heart and mind a lot lately. There was a plan. I'm a small town girl and I had the plan that is carved into our lives as much as knowing to look for deers on the highway in the fall and respect your parents. You get married, you have some babies, and you live happily ever after. I know that isn't my plan anymore. But I don't know what the plan is. I'm sorting through some things that seem to just be too messy to go on a blog.
I'd love to say I have that whole thing about my faith figured out. (But do any of us really ever get that figured out?) The reality is that I don't. Most days I just pray to God how grateful I am that I know He still loves me even if most days I have a hard time acting like I love Him. It's not that I feel like my way is better than His. That's not it at all. I'm not really sure what it is. But there is such peace in knowing that He still loves me and I pray that He will put the desire in my heart to want to want to act like I love Him again.
One day at a time.
I do have one thought I'd like to put out there. Especially to my Christian friends. It's actually best said in a quote.
"Be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
This isn't just for my Christian friends, but a good reminder for all of us who want to love others. It's very easy to be on the outside and judge someone's choices. I spent a good amount of my adult life doing just that. But I think the biggest lesson I've taken away from it all is that it's a lot easier to be on the outside and judging than it is on the inside and surviving. What I don't think we often realize is how much we do this through the little things we say. But can we be intentional about being sensitive in our words? For instance talking about "those people" that divorce. Even if you think you're doing it in a loving way, you can still do so much damage. I used to be just like you. Please don't make me feel like a leper or a mission project. Please don't make blanket statements. I'm not asking you to agree with what I did or the choices I made to survive. I'm asking you to love me anyway. But I'm not a project for you. I'm who you could be. I know it's hard to believe that. I know I didn't three years ago.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
I'll throw some craftng in here, albeit a fuzzy phone pic. I have started some Christmas crafting. One request, this scarf is for a 10 year old that has come to be a big part of my life over the last few months.
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