I start today on my last year as a 20-something. (Making me 29 for those who haven't had their coffee.) 28 was an interesting year for me. But looking back I'm happy to say I'm a much healthier person. I started this blog just a few weeks before my 28th birthday. So how is the view different at 29?
Well, I'm happy to say I'm doing emotionally better.
I was a bit of a mess over the last few years. The year of this blog really only caught some snippets of the tail end of it. I finally made the move to end a very unhealthy relationship this year and pick up the pieces of my life. It was hard to let go, but looking back at the chaos my life was, the waiting for the bottom to fall out that became a part of the fabric of who I was, the pain, I know it was for the best. I accepted myself for who I am (corny as that sounds) and learned to smile and laugh again. I've worked through God's love for me a bit and while I still really struggle with this I thank Him daily that He loves me even though I still feel far away. I've learned to embrace the Chaordic.
I'm also taking my physical health much more seriously.
While I'm having a bit of a crazy hair moment in the pic for this year I'm happy to say the 29 year old on the right is 30 lbs lighter than the overweight and unhappy 28 year old on the left. I'm still working on my weight and looking forward to the opportunity to start exercising outside, but I'm proud of the progress. For so long I felt like it just didn't matter. But as I got more healthy emotionally I wanted to feel better about myself physically. I finally felt ready to take care of myself again. I knew I needed to stop hiding behind food and self-loathing and allow myself to love me. And then maybe I could allow someone outside to love me. I know that sounds so damn cliche, but it's true. I didn't lose the weight to find love, I lost the weight to learn what it was like to be taken care of and I needed to do that for myself before I let someone else in.
And, I'm doing better relationally as well.
I've been with someone for a couple of months now and it's really taken me by surprise. I didn't think I'd want to let anyone in again.Ever. I started dating out of boredom more than to find anyone that would actually mean something to me. But he surprised me. I've never known what it's like to just have the walls down. To not constantly hold my breath and wait to clean up a mess I didn't make while my own heart was being broke over and over again. It freaks me out a bit from time to time and I'm still afraid to use a certain "l" word, but the fear hasn't made me put the walls back up, and that in itself is a big jump for me. I'm hopeful for what happens next and it's a great feeling.
AND...since I've been off the last few days...I have finished projects to share! So, more to come...
Hello, 29!
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